Premature Mommy Guilt

Cora is turning out to be a ham. Monday at Ladies’ Bible Study, she made known to the world that she’s growing up and getting her own little personality.

We were all relaxing in the host’s living room chatting while Cora crawled up and down the stairs into their kitchen/dining area. All eyes were on her because she’s still a bit wobbly and was making us nervous as she teetered. She noticed that she was the center of attention and decided to capitalize on it.

She found the widest rungs in the stair banister and stuck her foot through them slowly, so we could all see what she was intending. Then her leg… then her hand… I started warning her to be careful at this point (she was on the bottom step, so the only real danger was her getting stuck), and she smiled as she put her hand through… and then her arm… and then her shoulder.

When she had at least half her body safely through and had me making my way across the room to extricate her, she grinned widely at everyone in the room, did a little pose, and exclaimed, ” Ta Da!!!”

We all rolled laughing. It was totally unexpected and new from her. At 15 months she’s communicating well, but not usually for entertainment!

Yesterday she again confirmed that she’s going to be a clown that loves the limelight. She and Aidan were pretend-playing on the deck while I sat nearby reading. She wanted my attention, but wasn’t satisfied that she fully had it (the book I’m reading is *good!*), so she started parading around in front of me, pausing every once in a while to arch her back and look down her nose in this hysterically silly little pose. She got me laughing so hard that I had tears in my eyes!

Aidan laughed too in the beginning. Then after a while he tried joining in to get my attention. Has this scene played out with your kids? One child does something silly and gets a laugh, the other child wants to be laughed at too and joins in. The first child isn’t interested in sharing the limelight and gets fussy toward the second child. Mommy ends up having to put a stop to the fun. :(

My heart broke a little as Aidan looked up at me a bit sadly and said, “Mommy, am I funny too?”

At 3 years old and 15 months, I am already seeing their future struggles pass before my eyes! Cora will have a talent for brightening the room, turning heads, getting an immediate response. Aidan will have steadfast friends and a compassionate spirit. They will both long for elements of what the other has.

And I will perpetuate their struggles by encouraging wrong motives without thinking, or by failing to encourage the right motives and attitudes.

Lord, help me to show my children how much I cherish them and every little detail of the personalities you’ve created in them. Give me the tools I need to encourage them to grow in integrity and use their strengths to love and serve others. And give me a repentant heart so that I recognize the times that I show favoritism or fail to make my love known equally to each child.

I know my guilt is premature, but I’m thankful for this moment when I so clearly see my children’s hearts and my own, and remember what it was like to be a child… and a sibling at that!